Needing a laugh?
1. Try to have fun:
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
2. Flat Tyre:
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the highway, so I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life-like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my life-like men. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.
It wasn't long before an OPP pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I told him, "Hello-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers."
3. The Three Jeepers:
Three Jeepers were sitting around a camp fire at a Jamboree talking.
The first one (Fred) looks over at the other two and says
"Bob whats the worst pain you ever felt?"
Bob replies "Well I was winching the jeep on old number 9 and the winch cable broke and hit me right in the shin and cut me to the bone!"
The other two reply "Damn I bet that hurt"
Bob asks Ted "Ted what the worst pain you ever felt?"
Ted replies " Well I was stuck in a rut one time and I got my jack out was jacking the jeep up and the darn thing rolled back and the jeep kicked the jack out and the bumper came down right on top of my right knee!!"
The other two winched and replied "Oh man that had to hurt"
Ted replies "Fred now that you started this what is the worst pain you ever felt?"
Fred replies " Hmmm! The SECOND worst pain I ever felt was when we at a Jamboree in Kentucky and I had to take a dump terrible bad... so I pulled over went back off the trail about a hundred feet with a roll of paper. Dropped my drawers bent down and SSNAP! I got jim and the twins caught in a #2 steel trap!"
The other two winched and said "Damn that was the SECOND worst pain you ever felt? What was the worst?"
Fred replied " WHEN I RUN OUTTA CHAIN!!!"
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I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
2. Flat Tyre:
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the highway, so I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life-like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my life-like men. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.
It wasn't long before an OPP pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I told him, "Hello-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers."
3. The Three Jeepers:
Three Jeepers were sitting around a camp fire at a Jamboree talking.
The first one (Fred) looks over at the other two and says
"Bob whats the worst pain you ever felt?"
Bob replies "Well I was winching the jeep on old number 9 and the winch cable broke and hit me right in the shin and cut me to the bone!"
The other two reply "Damn I bet that hurt"
Bob asks Ted "Ted what the worst pain you ever felt?"
Ted replies " Well I was stuck in a rut one time and I got my jack out was jacking the jeep up and the darn thing rolled back and the jeep kicked the jack out and the bumper came down right on top of my right knee!!"
The other two winched and replied "Oh man that had to hurt"
Ted replies "Fred now that you started this what is the worst pain you ever felt?"
Fred replies " Hmmm! The SECOND worst pain I ever felt was when we at a Jamboree in Kentucky and I had to take a dump terrible bad... so I pulled over went back off the trail about a hundred feet with a roll of paper. Dropped my drawers bent down and SSNAP! I got jim and the twins caught in a #2 steel trap!"
The other two winched and said "Damn that was the SECOND worst pain you ever felt? What was the worst?"
Fred replied " WHEN I RUN OUTTA CHAIN!!!"
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHERS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE?, PLEASE SEND THEM IN VIA EMAIL.
PLEASE ADVISE US IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR NAME TO APPEAR BESIDE WHAT YOU SUBMITTED.
IF SOME OF THESE CAUSE OFFENCE, WE DO APOLOGISE, AND PLEASE EMAILS US YOUR CONCERNS
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